If Your Reality is Not Forever Changing, You Are Bound to Be Unfulfilled.
Posted: Thursday, September 11, 2008
by Jeff Brown
Inner Projection
People are people. They aren't Gods. They aren't walking on water. We all need improvement. Regardless of who you are, how well adjusted you think you are, you need constant reexamining of reality throughout life. An acceptable proposal, maybe, but difficult to put into practice. However, the more realistically we see the world the better we are equipped to deal with life's challenges. The less clear we see reality the greater the chance we will make bad decisions, decisions that affect us, our family, community, country, world. But where does our perception of reality come from?
But in order to overcome problems of considerable variety, one must come to a basic understanding that life is difficult. That if we have problems we are not cursed, being singled out, an exception, or otherwise. Everyone will eventually have to deal with problems from soft to hard. The problem is that few are courageous or perceptive enough to understand the need for help and that having problems and getting help is as human as not wanting to deal with our problems. Regardless of age, sex, class, culture, creed, race we all have the human need to deal with our problems. But once an understanding begins, it is up to the individual to keep his / her understanding going through constant vigilance of character and the changing circumstances surrounding him / her.
But one of the biggest challenges goes beyond awareness. It is in the letting go, for we are creatures of stubborn strength when it comes to not wanting to change. We would rather hang on to the known or the old even if it means letting go of the bad to embrace the new, the better. Consider the following story.
A woman was experiencing considerable depression. She sought out a therapist and told him of her plight. When asked why, she told him because she was bored staying home alone all day with nothing to do while her husband worked. The therapist asked her if she had friends she could visit during the day. She said that she used to have friends but now she didn't like them anymore. Had she made any new friends? No, she said. It wasn't worth it. She was asked why. She responded by saying, All my friends are selfish and only care about cloths and staying in shape. The therapist noticed that the young woman was well-dressed and in shape herself. Do you work out? He asked. Of course, she responded. Do you like to shop? Who doesn't?
This woman continued in therapy for another month but eventually stopped seeing the therapist, telling him that she couldn't anymore. She was too busy.
Even for those who have serious, joy limiting problems, simply letting go is difficult.
In order to let go, one must first self-examine on a regular basis. Most don't have the understanding that this is necessary or the courage to do so if they do. To self-examine, one must look at weaknesses. To self-examine, one must put down the guard and confess inadequacy. Some are able to do this. Find it essential. To do otherwise, impossible. Unfortunately, most don't. As individuals, groups, companies, even countries it's difficult to be open to change, accept weaknesses, compromise and move toward improvement.
But even if one makes inroads to self-analysis this is not the end. To be fully realized or actualized one must seek outside opinion. Napoleon Hill in his Law of Success books speaks of how no one can achieve success without the group or the mastermind, drawing on the skills and insights of others, those skills and insight we are all lacking. Just like in becoming successful in business, we can only become successful by seeking outside criticism.
Once again, not an easy thing to do.
As a writer, I've often exposed my writing to other sets of eyes. At first, it was difficult and I took it quite personally. During one graduate seminar, an instructor broke us into groups of five or six to examine each other's papers. At this time we were going over some recent poetry that we had written. After reading my poem, one of the group members told me that what I was writing was not poetry. I immediately not only dismissed the criticism but this person as anyone I would ever desire to criticize my work or even talk to again. In subsequent classes I ignored him and made sure I was never assigned to a group with him again.
Since then I have had many people criticize my writing, my teaching, my performances, and more, but I have restructured my reality to accept the fact that not everyone likes everything or everything I'm going to produce. By taking the time to examine criticism from a more objective perspective, even doing some research on it, I've given up my attachment to believing that people's negative criticisms are a personal attack. I've come to realize that people come from such varied backgrounds that it's impossible even impractical to expect everyone to accept everything I do. Even fans of great artists don't love or even like every piece of work produced by their admired.
Personally I have been to a therapist one on one numerous times, with my wife, and sat in a group of fifteen-plus men in an effort to come to a greater understanding of self. Unfortunately, many think that going to therapy marks them "odd" or "exceptional." They are certainly not odd but would most likely be marked exceptional by the fact that few are courageous enough to do so. We all need others to help us in overcoming ourselves. One of the main reasons for committing to another in marriage is the strengthening that comes through a giving up of the self to partner and children. Few who don't marry fully actualize or reach their potential, unless they give of themselves considerably in some other way.
But in order to grow we must learn to give up and let go. Life is a continual re-birthing, a letting go of the old and a bringing in of the new. If we cling to the past we cannot grow. If we do not desire to give up endless hours of free time and play we can not move into the world of young adulthood and grow. If we desire to always be independent and not take on spouse and family and sacrifice time and self-focus we do not grow. If we don't monitor our feelings about work and discern our boredom and the need to move on as inevitable and necessary we will not grow. If we stagnate and do not cast off our skins of stagnation then we are bound for sadness, regression, avoidance behavior ending in regret.
There is little in life worse than the feeling of having not done that which we knew was necessary for not only ourselves but all those we can affect by our desire to grow and accept the challenges presented to us. Without growth there is only death. Life is about continual expansion, even beyond the grave. For we can see in the universe itself as it expands ever outward a metaphor for our lives and the need for vigilant growth and expansion.
True joy in life comes through discovery. Discovering the great truths that lie within and without each human being. As these discoveries are made and applied life becomes wonderful. Manageable. More and more and more meaningful. Full. Even ecstasy arriving and enlivening as we discover minor to great eternal truths. As we become courageous and uncover these truths (they lie in waiting for the brave and hard worker) life takes on remarkable brilliance. There is nothing like living a fully conscious life, or at least one of great consciousness.
We as human beings owe it to ourselves to understand these truths. It is not only important to discover what is needed to become healthier and healthier for our mental and spiritual well-being but that we pass on this remarkable blessing of understanding, this greater if not more fully informed life to our children.
We owe it to ourselves. To our children. To our country. The world.
Read and heal. Heal and progress. Progress and feel the joy and ecstasy your courage and hard work brings.
Peace and God's love to you.
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