Self Improvement Tip: Be Bigger Than Your Problems: If You're Offended, it's Mostly Your Fault

I once asked my students what they would do if someone said that they were stupid. Most said they would be outraged, some said they would take the matter into their own hands, literally. A few said that they would do nothing. I asked why. Some said they didn't want a confrontation that it wasn't worth it. One student out of thirty said that she wouldn't get upset at all. I asked her why. She said, "Well, that's obvious. It's just not true."

And therein lies the strength of the power of self-control. In this day-n-age of express-yourself-no-fear-me-firtism, it is difficult if not impossible to get this concept over to people of such a mindset. But self-control is at the root of the establishment of this country. Even in our anthem "America the Beautiful" we here these prophetic words:


But we have not maintained this ideal and it has hurt us as a nation and individually. It is something that has been spoken to again and again over the decades since establishment. Here's a current message from the pastoral staff at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Medford Oregon that speaks to this verse:


Because of this lack of self-control, even our courts have been affected by it in setting precedents that enable the uncontrolled. In one case, a 79-year-old woman burned herself with coffee that was bought at McDonalds and was awarded $640,000. Applying the principles of comparative negligence, the jury found that McDonald's was 80% responsible for the incident and the woman was 20% at fault. Though there was a warning on the coffee cup, the jury decided that the warning was neither large enough nor sufficient [emphasis added]. In looking at the statement emphasized, one can see by this precedent where our country is headed. Most would know or be accountable or responsible enough to know that the coffee was hot whether it was 190 degrees (the actual temperature) or 140 degrees (the proposed temperature) and could cause serious pain if not serious burning.

Never before have cases of a similar nature been heard in such great numbers. Now, because of a systemic lack of accountability stemming from a lack of self-control or that which requires one to be "exercising the discipline" thereof, we have more and more become a nation of finger pointers, and those fingers very rarely if ever point backwards.

In the field of self-improvement or self-help, one often hears of overcoming weaknesses and shortcomings. Offense is a big one. Certainly we can all become offended. But the point here is that if you are too easily offended, you will spend a great majority of your time heading nowhere or, worse yet, going backwards as you spin your wheels in anger, resentment, revenge, and spite for those who have done you wrong.

There are different ways in which one may be attacked. Someone could slander or liable your good name, but if your name is good, what's to worry? Time and time and time again, we find those who speak the loudest about the ills of others eventually shoot themselves down. I can think of two well-known performers whose act was built on attacking the character of others: Dice Clay and Joan Rivers. Their popularity was short lived. This mindset is not healthy to the individual purporting it or to those on the receiving end. It creates much more harm than good in any situation.

I can tell you of several personal experiences where people who desired to besmirch my name were not able to do so only to have it backfire because the people involved knew me or found out who was actually culpable.

If you want to do something with your life, if you want greater self confidence, less anxiety, and greater spirituality, if you want to do good for yourself and others, if you want to move ahead you need to solidify your character to build self confidence and self esteem by not letting others take cheap shots to take you down, waste your time or hold you back from growth and the opportunity to help not only yourself but others to a greater and greater degree as you overcome weaknesses. If you work on yourself, helping yourself to be good, to do good, to help others, to come to the aid of others, to lift and support others, you will create such a solid footing for yourself that those who take shots will not be able to take you down.

"I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."

It may appear childish, but this motivational phrase actually works well at helping the child build self confidence to know that the source of the bad is not in her and that she is good, but most importantly, that the good in her will shine on to aid her in overcoming challenges or the negative and bad that will stick and stain and drain her of life if she believes in the insult, the lie coming her way. This is certainly not where any of us desire to be: young to old.

In order to not be offended, the majority of the work has to be done on your part. You certainly have to build yourself up in the manor suggested above, but it also takes a concerted personal mental effort to overcome the habit of emotionally attacking the offender as well. We have to think before we act. Emotions are not thoughts, they are habits put in place by years of poor or inadequate thinking / reasoning or even its complete lack. This poor reasoning must be undone by good, healthy productive reasoning, for in most cases if not all these bad habits will persist until we consciously intervene.

We can also seek the help of others by informing family and friends of our new mindset. By doing so, we not only bring them to our aid in overcoming bad habits but we help them to overcome them as well.

May you seek the good, the productive, the positive in all that you do in seeking greater self improvement, personal development and self worth. We are not here seeking perfection, nor should anyone believe that we can go throughout life without being offended, for we all have our weak moments, even the strongest. But we must desire to not find offense, to have the negative bounce off us the majority of time; therefore, we can only get stronger for ourselves and, even more importantly, for the many brothers and sisters who need lifting and strengthening. By doing all that is suggested here, you will gain confidence and improvement through these simple self-help techniques.

Personal growth and development are ongoing and never-ending. Until you've perfected yourself, you need to grow. Overcoming the self by making the self bigger than your problem or offender will motivate you, and through this motivation, this self improvement, this overcoming, you will gain greater and greater personal strength and desire to reach out to others to do the same for them. Strength breeding strength breeding strength breeding strength. May the line never be broken.