Few Accept That the American Dream Comes With American Realities

The Pursuit of Happyness, based on the real life of Christopher Gardner (played by Will Smith), contains a scene in which Gardner states "I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking, how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"

What most people don't focus on is the inevitable difficulties, setbacks, trials, pain, suffering, disappointments, and general uneven path to success-if it comes, if it stays. People are so absorbed with seeking happiness that they don't think about never mind prepare for the inevitable downside. This can be borne out by such popular self-pumping statements as "Failure is not an option," "Winners never quit and quitters never win," and "Coming in second is like kissing your sister."

But what of the realities? What of those known winners and all their loses? Some of the greatest perceived winners in history racked up serious loss and disappointment before getting there-achieving success. I personally know and have listened to and read about dozens of successful people time and time and time again speak of their loss, coming up off the floor after having gone as low as one can go to obtain achievement.

What the majority of people ignore or never accept is the fact that loss is real, inevitable and an essential element to success. If it is used to learn from and to overcome blind spots or lack of understanding to achieve greater insight in compassion, patience, and ultimately wisdom; then one may leave this planet the healthier and wiser, certainly more successful in nature. Unfortunately, the world is full of people who die disappointed and disillusioned for their lack of knowing that avoidance of difficulties while pursing happiness was a major contributor to their downfall. Most don't want to deal with reality.

But for those who do, here are some lesser known quotes, those that are rightly in tune with reality:

"Winners lose more than losers. They win and lose more than losers, because they stay in the game. " ~ Terry Paulson

"No man is ever whipped until he quits - in his own mind." ~ Napoleon Hill

"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." ~ Michael Jordan

"Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success. " ~ Napoleon Hill

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. " ~ Sir Winston Churchill

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail." ~ Confucius

"There is no failure. Only feedback. " ~ Robert Allen

A lack of understanding of the true value of failure, its existence in abundance, and that it is where we are schooled in gaining knowledge that is essential for our betterment can be seen in the endless game of bandwagoning. Sports fans go from one successful team to another caring only for being associated with a winner, for where have all those Chicago Bulls shirts gone? These days, who's wearing t-shirts, pants, hats with the Dallas Cowboys emblem? Or the Oakland Athletics ? At one time, all of these teams were seen as the ultimate winners, but only the most loyal fan, not the bandwagoning, transient national fan, can be seen wearing these team logos now.

This unrealistic bandwagoning affect is a symptom of the more general belief that "failure is not an option." But why are so many disillusioned into believing this lie? It comes down to the bare fact that most people pay lip service to a desire to be successful but few ever do what it takes to get there.

One good reason people avoid success is that it always requires a stretching of one's self into uncomfortable territory. To become rich, famous, wealthy, powerful, to obtain prestige and establish reputation or just to improve the self takes risk . However, the greater risk is in never getting started, for we were put here to brake from our shackles of sameness to grow and prosper and overcome our shortcomings and weaknesses to stretch to reach out to affect, inspire, and touch as many as we can in our short lives. For what greater purpose is there?

Unfortunately, many say that they like themselves just the way they are. This is a cop out that ensures sameness and never breaking away from the inhibiting cocoon to see who we really are to see who we need to become to the betterment of self and as great a number of others as we can lift up within our short time on this earth.

Check with all the successful and they will speak of coming out of the comfort zone as an essential ingredient to success. But how do you manage all of this adversity? What are the practical things you need to do to prepare the self for fending off these inevitable difficulties and challenges?

It all begins with the self, a looking inward before any outward thought of success is even entertained, for those who have obtained success and self-sabotaged are on an ever growing list of those who've had to begin over or, worse case scenario, end up staying down--for their inner-self was too weak to handle the pain of the challenges coming from outside.

Here we are talking about character and an overcoming of negatives that fester within all of us waiting like a virus to be released. And this release usually occurs during those inevitable trying times. Very rarely do our shortcomings shine through in living color during times of ease.

But what are some of those destructive, debilitating negatives? Here's a partial list:

Hopelessness, selfishness, anger, resentment, small-mindedness, gossip, back biting, critical of self and others, fearful, lazy, doubtful, jealous, envious, hateful, pridefulness or pretentiousness, complaining, anxious, compulsive, cynical, defiant, disorganized, disagreeable, flippant, immature, impatient, indifferent, irresponsible, dishonorable, pessimistic, resentful, self-absorbed, suspicious, arrogant, callous, cowardly, deceitful, greedy, bossy, intolerant, hypocritical, mean, manipulative, overbearing, perverted, profane, promiscuous, sleazy, sneaky, unscrupulous, vain, vindictive, vulgar, cruel, abusive, dishonest, masochistic, sadistic, tyrannical, traitorous, vengeful, wicked.

Now this is not an exhaustive list; however, it should give you a good start on what you need to work on before you can even begin to consider not only success but sustained success. Of course everyone has some of these or several in combination, but what is being spoken to here is a collection of these traits in the extreme that cause dysfunction or inability to function at optimum capacity. There is not enough room to go into detail here, but this is only a starting point to greater awareness of where one needs to go to fix the inner self before attempting to seek outward success.

And of course, you don't have to fix all or your shortcomings and weaknesses, but you do need to make considerable inroads on doing so and then continue to work to overcome the rest of your life. Yes, it is a lifelong practice. I know of one particular enlightened individual of great character who said some time in his 90s, "Every time I go to temple, I learn more about those things I need to better the self." The great ones are often humble enough to see that they are human and, like all of us, live in infinite ignorance. In our short lives here, we can only begin to chip away, but it is in the chipping that one begins to not only find strength of character but strength that will help us through the inevitable tough times.

So the goal never is perfection, but a weeding away of those character traits, shortcomings and weaknesses that inhibit and deter us not only in achieving financial success but success in our relationships and an inner calm that prepares us for the greatest of life's challenges.

May we all better ourselves and be great inspiration and of great benefit and example to all those struggling with life.