How a Self-Healed Psychiatric Patient Optimized His Human Experience to the Benefit of Others

OK, I was never in therapy. Well, okay, kind of. But she was a psychologist, and I only saw her three times. What's interesting is that those three short visits, some twenty-two years ago, set me on a path of healing and recovery that has been my life's calling that which has culminated in helping others overcome shortcomings and realize their values to push through fear and doubt to greatest fulfillment.

But why write about this? Well, I figured I achieved fulfillment, why not the majority? I can help them through what I've learned. And I must say that the healing and growth I've experienced has been a miraculous, insightful, fulfilling challenge full of promise and wonderment, but certainly fraught with the difficulties of overcoming fears and doubts that plague us all.

But what's most interesting of all is that in my self-discovery I found not only healing but that we all need some level of healing and overcoming to achieve greater contentment in our lives. And I'm not talking about those that need to see a psychiatrist or those that have a severe learning disability, mental illness, or personality disorder. I'm talking about the everyday, functioning average Joe and Jane citizen: you and me.

Nevertheless, my plight was a little more fraught with the extraordinary, that which would probably require a psychiatrist. But surprisingly I overcome greatly through my own efforts. I don't necessarily mean I'm amazing, but rather that it was pretty remarkable that I was able to overcome great shortcomings through my own efforts. Not something I'd advise others to do. What did I overcome? Depression, suicidal tendencies, anger, hopelessness, severe shyness and introversion, even addiction. But in doing so I discovered an intriguing fact about the human condition.

People are generally much stronger and resilient than they think. According to some who are spiritual or religious they believe that no one is put here to face challenges that they can't overcome. The secret to success in this area, like my hero Eleanor Roosevelt said, is to take your fears head on and turn them around.

But how exactly is it done? It depends. Some, like me, did it via the school of hard knocks, which can be a long road fraught with danger if going it alone, even those who are not psychiatric patients. Something I don't advise for the majority. Most need and should get assistance, someone who is a sounding board not there to judge but to pull forth inherent values that if followed will guide the person on a course to fulfillment.

But what exactly does that mean?

Well, you have to know what is of greatest importance to you. If you don't specifically verbalize these values, you spend a greater portion of your life confused and dissatisfied; many don't want to do so for sticking to one's values is a path fraught with cold, hard self-reflection and understanding that too few are willing to commit to. But interestingly enough it is the only path to greater fulfillment or a life in which regrets recede and satisfaction and contentment fill all the days of our lives. But like anything of great value, it takes work and sacrifice to get there. And because of this few should go it alone, for success is inhibited the more one ventures off alone on his path of desired fulfillment.

To honor or fulfill your values, it often takes sacrifice. For example, you are dissatisfied with your job because like most you've compromised. People are generally flexible and resilient and it is possible to take in tremendous amounts of the unsatisfying, but there is a great price to paid, one that may not be realized years if not decades after a decision to compromise has been made. But along this path life becomes one of toleration or self-betrayal not fulfillment. To honor one's values it often takes sacrifice and doing that which is not easy or comfortable.

For example, I didn't desire to remain as I was. I was comfortably numb being by myself, alone, but I knew that I greatly valued a life that I found satisfying. But to find that life I had to get out of myself in a way that was remarkably uncomfortable, doing that which I dreaded the most: stand in front of people and speak. I knew inherently that this was the only way I could not only adhere to my values but overcome great character deficiencies, shortcomings, and weaknesses. It is often weaknesses and shortcomings that are whittled away as our tabernacle of clay is shaped into that which we truly desire to become. And we all know what that is, but many have lost faith in the self-discovering intuitive voice that lies dormant within most.

But as we move out of our comfort zones, making decisions that we know we must to achieve our life's goals, as we do so a little at a time day after day, we chip away at our fear, our doubt, our discomfort to reveal that which we always knew was there, but in most cases were too afraid to confront the uncomfortable that we've always known would set us free. And as we do so we find empowerment, an ability to stand up where previous we may have fallen. It is a great and grand power, one that provides energy and excitement at the things we may now be able to accomplish which we only saw previously as impossible, far-away dreams.

If we lie to ourselves too often and for too long, the longer we do so the more difficult it will be to do that which is essential to our overall betterment, happiness, joy and fulfillment. If you have a creeping feeling of dissatisfaction, an uneasiness that just won't go away, you are most likely comprising and selling out your values, a most dangerous move not only for selfish reasons but for the selfless as well. Consider all those you might have affected and infected with greatness being with people you love, using your innate talents and gifts to the fullest. That is the picture of fulfillment, a person doing that which she values most.

We were put here to be fulfilled. Not working toward that end is a horrific experience for most. For me, I have had those nightmares of sitting in a large office with an empty desk, comfortable, successful even but not fulfilled, waiting and watching the clock move toward the end of the day, toward the end of my life empty and alone.

This is not where we were meant to be. We all came here with certain talents, gifts, and abilities to be used to their fullest, but too many never optimize their use, thus never optimizing their joy in life. Like the parable of the servants who were given talents (or precious silver; one talent equaling $1,000) by their master teaches us.

One servant was given five talents, another two, the last servant one. The master went away and when he returned the servant who had five talents had turned them into ten, he with two into four, but the servant with one had hidden his, for he said that the master was a hard man to work for and he was afraid, so he hid his talent. Giving it back he said, "Here, take what belongs to you." The master was angry with the servant calling him wicked and lazy.

The moral being that the master or God has given us talents that we need to use. If we do, we will receive an increase, an increase of happiness, but that which comes with a responsibility. We must reach out to as many as we can to help them find the great joy that we now call ours. But if we hide our talents we lose opportunity for the greatest satisfaction, and even more importantly, in the long run an opportunity to reach out in our strength, joy, and fulfillment to bless the lives of so many more, a number that is infinitesimally smaller as we live a compromised life untrue to our values.